To Destroy a CD
by Electric Blue
Summary: Why is it that the cheap CDs are harder to break?


To Destroy a CD  
Fanfic by Kathryn Grover  
***  
  
Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. Please don't sue me. My life  
savings is an entire seven dollars.  
  
***  
  
It was a beautiful summer morning. Akane screamed as she destroyed yet  
another pile of cinder blocks. Ranma sighed and sat down at the table  
for breakfast.  
  
"I swear, there is nothing on this planet she couldn't destroy."  
  
"I wouldn't say that, Ranma," Nabiki said, with her usual sly smile.  
  
"Yeah? And why's that?"  
  
"I bet 2000 yen (20 US bucks) that I could find something that she  
could NOT destroy."  
  
"You're on!"  
  
Nabiki pulled a CD out of nowhere. "If Akane can't destroy this CD by  
tonight, you owe me. Have fun!" She dropped the disk on the table and  
left.  
  
Ranma picked up the CD. It SEEMED ordinary enough. He took the CD  
outside.  
  
"Hey, Akane. Can you do me a favor and destroy this?"  
  
Akane looked at Ranma, then at the disk. "You can't be serious."  
  
"I am."  
  
Akane put the CD between her fingers, and started to bend it. She  
obviously intended to make it explode with the 'ol CD snapper technique.  
  
But no matter how she bent it, it would not snap. Ranma stared at it.  
  
"No way. That shoulda burst it into a million pieces."  
  
"Is this some kind of joke?" Akane asked him.  
  
"Not really. It's just that Nabiki doesn't think you can break it."  
  
"Is that so?"  
  
"Yup. But don't worry, I believe in ya!"  
  
Akane looked at the disk. "Okay then."  
  
Akane placed the disk over the edges of two cinder blocks, a few  
centemeters apart. It looked like a little rainbowy bridge across the  
blocks. She used her trademark "break anything" chop.  
  
And the cinder blocks fell apart. The CD was still in one piece.  
  
And our heroes stared at it. Nabiki chuckled to herself.  
  
"I'm not beaten yet!" Akane screamed. She placed the CD on a paper  
towel and tossed it in the microwave for about 50 minutes..........  
  
***  
50 minutes later.........  
***  
  
Akane scrubbed the burnt paper towel off the bottom of the microwave  
using a steel wool pad. On the table sat the CD. It didn't even have a  
scratch.  
  
"Alright, that's the last of it!" she said as she tossed the pad onto  
the counter.  
  
"Now what?" Asked Ranma.  
  
"I don't know! I can't believe I can't break a stupid CD. I've  
destroyed plenty of them before!" In anger, she threw it against the  
wall. It bounced off the wall and bonked Ranma in the head.  
  
All he could say was "Ow."  
  
"I'm not beaten yet!" Akane screamed as she ran to a drawer and  
produced a large Exact-o-knife (TM) and a large case of razor blades.  
  
***  
2 hours later  
***  
  
Akane sighed as she threw away the entire case of razor blades. All of  
them had been dulled from attempting to scratch the CD.  
  
"Ya know, I'm beginning to doubt *Ryoga's* ability to destroy this  
thing," Ranma commented. "This has gotta be a CD from hell."  
  
"Let's try something else. Oh, Kasumi! Wanna go see Dr. Tofu?"  
  
***  
  
Our friendly doctor went absolutely crazy at the sight of Kasumi. Akane  
shoved the CD into Dr. Tofu's figiting hands, wondering about the  
result.  
  
***  
  
As Dr. Willams set the bones in Dr. Tofu's hand and put a splint on  
each finger, Akane stared at the CD. There HAD to be a way to destroy  
this thing. Good thing it was a hot day.  
  
"Hey Dr. Tofu? Can I put this CD in your car?"  
  
"Sure, go right ahead Akane."  
  
***  
  
After leaving the CD in a hot car with the windows up for about two  
hours, Akane hoped to find a melted mess. Instead, she found a good-as-  
new disk. She promptly screamed. Ranma just kinda sat there slack-jawed.  
  
They returned to the back yard, and sat across from each other, staring  
at the CD between them. It glimmered innocently in the sunlight. They  
only had about an hour left before sunset, and then Nabiki would come  
to collect. Ranma gulped. Every time he got a *LITTLE* money saved,  
Nabiki always found some way to con him out of it.  
  
Akane ran to the kitchen, and returned with a meat cleaver. She hacked  
at the CD. The cleaver shattered.  
  
"THATS IT!" She screamed. She got a really big bucket of paint and ran  
out into the street. She painted a huge X on the pavement, and placed  
the CD in the middle. Then, she brought out her extra EXTRA large  
mallet of DOOM and hurled it at the sky.  
  
***  
  
Somewhere, in the space shuttle..........  
  
"Say, Joe, what's that heading toward us?"  
  
***  
  
A flaming space shuttle hurtled toward the street. (Good thing for the  
pilots that they recently added ejection seats.) The spaceship did a  
perfect nose dive onto the CD.  
  
Ranma went to inspect the damage. He dug through the twisted, burning  
wreckage, and finally came upon a piece of a CD.  
  
"YES!" He screamed for joy as he brought the two halves of the CD up to  
Akane, who began cheering as well.  
  
"Oh, Darn," Nabiki simply stated.  
  
"Say, Ranma, what kind of CD was that anyway?"  
  
Ranma put the two pieces together and read the english writing on the  
label.  
  
It said: "Get AOL NOW!: 500 hours free!"  
  
***  
  
I'm guessing you people are wondering WHY the heck I wrote this. Well,  
it turns out, those things are pretty darn tough to destroy using  
conventional CD destruction methoods. So why not have a girl who's  
stronger than Superman have a go at destroying it?  
  
This fic inspired by the e-mail gag "How to give a cat a pill". 


End file.
